birkeland family update :: growing our family

I know, I know so mean of me to make you wait. But I had good reason, I promise {it’s all about timing, don’t ya know?} A lot of friends in our new city didn’t know about our journey to Evie so that has made this {re}sharing even more fun. And of course, you lovely people that follow along and have been for a long time. We are just so grateful. We couldn’t have made it this far without all of you. Your prayers, love, and hope have inspired us and encouraged us to keep-on-going and keep believing.

When we were in the waiting room with Evie’s birthmother, the Holy Spirit whispered a promise. I do not feel like it’s the right time to give all the details but you need to know that we serve a God that fulfills promises that He gives to His children. We can put our HOPE and FAITH in those promises. He says He will never leave us or forsake us. In my thirty years on earth He has never left my side. He has always been a closer than a breath.

He was so close as we have been waiting and praying about what’s next for our family. I have been taking care of myself by going to my annual OB appointments, but I have not inquired about infertility related things at all. My heart has been so so so raw. It has truly taken all four of these years in between to heal and hope again. All of the ladies in this world of infertility would all be saying a resounding *AMEN* right now if we were in a room together. Nothing compares to all the stages of infertility.

At the beginning you are so hopeful and sure you will stop taking birth control and there will be a baby in your belly. But after couple of months of negative pregnancy tests, you start thinking you might should go to the doctor. You make the appointment – the doc {probably the nurse} says they do not consider you infertile until you’ve been trying for at least a year. So back to the house you go. A year passes, still no baby in your belly. You go back. Then all the doctor appointments begin – the blood work, surgery, the HSG test … and still nothing. All of that can just really really bring someone down. Month after month of being told that your dreams are not coming true. It’s hard. So hard. So much loss and hopelessness and fear.


Take a look at that picture —–> that just screams BUT GOD! Our God has a plan for all our pain and it’s not wasted. Not one bit of it.

So here we are. It’s 2017 and for two years we have been praying and praying and praying some more… asking God what’s next for our family. Do we adopt? Do we pursue biological children? Do we wait? Do we make appointments? Do we call up a social worker and start the home study process?

He answered us. He gave us peace. This past 21 days of prayer & fasting, the Lord answered.

We are pursuing our precious biological children – I have my first appointment in the morning with a new OB {not a fertility specialist yet, one step at a time friends} It’s at 9:30am. I would appreciate any and ALL prayers. {Please pray for peace for me + pray that the whole experience would be life giving and full of hope + pray that my heart would be steadfast and know where my hope lies.}

I will update at some point after my appointment and let you sweet people know what’s next for us.

CRAZY love for each of you,

KB

infertility lead us to adoption :: part 2

I’m just so undone by the love I’ve received since I decided to start sharing again. Thank you for the love and the responses from my last post. You guys are so good at rallying behind our family in the big stuff and in the small stuff. I am just so grateful for this community of friends and family.

If you are here for the first time and you are like I’m confused. I thought they adopted. Well we did, but last year I was reminded last year how important it is to share *where we have been* and WHAT the LORD HAS DONE.

Everywhere I turned today I heard and saw the word vulnerability. Such an important part of our lives is sharing what is troubling to us so we can say “hey me too” to those around us. You never know who around is struggling with the same thing and is longing for someone to just affirm their heartache. I’ve never regretted one thing I’ve shared about our journey because it has brought so many friendships into my life that would not exist without the struggle.

After my surgery in 2012, I still did not conceive a baby. It all just didn’t make sense. The surgery was supposed to fix me. I was supposed to have a baby in my belly. Didn’t the Lord want this for me? What had I done to deserve this? Would I not be a good mom? Why not now? Why do I have to wait even more? 

The questions piled up. They piled up and piled up until I decided I had had enough. Enough of this waiting. I wanted a baby and I needed to make it happen myself. I talked with my OB in January 2013 and asked him to refer me to a specialist. I knew what this meant. I knew that I was out of the will that God had for us, yet I still did it. I still took my plans and made them happen. So what seemed like the longest three months of this seven year battle; I was prescribed clomid {very very common in the world of infertility} and it rocked my life. We also did three IUI procedures. None worked. I still did not have a baby in my belly.

January 2013 – referred to RE {Reproductive Endocrinology}

January 2013 – first RE appt at Alabama Fertility Specialist in Birmingham, AL

February 8 2013 – IUI # 1 with clomid – not pregnant

March 9 2013 – IUI #2 with clomid – not pregnant

April 2013 – IUI #3 with clomid – not pregnant

After the third attempt to conceive with IUIs, we were over it ALL. I had sunk down into a deep depression. I was angry. I was sad. I was mad. I didn’t understand. I did not understand why God was withholding from us. And I think the weight of *taking my life into my own hands* had finally caught up to me. BUT God <— aren’t you so grateful for those two words?

He sent my mom to sit me down and bring some light into the very very dark place I had found myself. About a month later, Dru and I had our first conversation about adoption. He did not want to adopt before that unless we were told that we could not have biological children. I asked him if we were praying about adoption. He said yes.

For three months, we didn’t even discuss adoption. I prayed for his heart to be turned towards adoption because my heart was already there. August 4, 2013, we were laying in bed and he told me *I am ready to adopt* – the tears flowed.

The tears flowed because the Lord had brought our hearts together and spoken the same miracle to ours hearts – adoption.

Adoption story and timeline coming soon…

So much love for each of you,

KB

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