infertility lead us to adoption :: part 2

I’m just so undone by the love I’ve received since I decided to start sharing again. Thank you for the love and the responses from my last post. You guys are so good at rallying behind our family in the big stuff and in the small stuff. I am just so grateful for this community of friends and family.

If you are here for the first time and you are like I’m confused. I thought they adopted. Well we did, but last year I was reminded last year how important it is to share *where we have been* and WHAT the LORD HAS DONE.

Everywhere I turned today I heard and saw the word vulnerability. Such an important part of our lives is sharing what is troubling to us so we can say “hey me too” to those around us. You never know who around is struggling with the same thing and is longing for someone to just affirm their heartache. I’ve never regretted one thing I’ve shared about our journey because it has brought so many friendships into my life that would not exist without the struggle.

After my surgery in 2012, I still did not conceive a baby. It all just didn’t make sense. The surgery was supposed to fix me. I was supposed to have a baby in my belly. Didn’t the Lord want this for me? What had I done to deserve this? Would I not be a good mom? Why not now? Why do I have to wait even more? 

The questions piled up. They piled up and piled up until I decided I had had enough. Enough of this waiting. I wanted a baby and I needed to make it happen myself. I talked with my OB in January 2013 and asked him to refer me to a specialist. I knew what this meant. I knew that I was out of the will that God had for us, yet I still did it. I still took my plans and made them happen. So what seemed like the longest three months of this seven year battle; I was prescribed clomid {very very common in the world of infertility} and it rocked my life. We also did three IUI procedures. None worked. I still did not have a baby in my belly.

January 2013 – referred to RE {Reproductive Endocrinology}

January 2013 – first RE appt at Alabama Fertility Specialist in Birmingham, AL

February 8 2013 – IUI # 1 with clomid – not pregnant

March 9 2013 – IUI #2 with clomid – not pregnant

April 2013 – IUI #3 with clomid – not pregnant

After the third attempt to conceive with IUIs, we were over it ALL. I had sunk down into a deep depression. I was angry. I was sad. I was mad. I didn’t understand. I did not understand why God was withholding from us. And I think the weight of *taking my life into my own hands* had finally caught up to me. BUT God <— aren’t you so grateful for those two words?

He sent my mom to sit me down and bring some light into the very very dark place I had found myself. About a month later, Dru and I had our first conversation about adoption. He did not want to adopt before that unless we were told that we could not have biological children. I asked him if we were praying about adoption. He said yes.

For three months, we didn’t even discuss adoption. I prayed for his heart to be turned towards adoption because my heart was already there. August 4, 2013, we were laying in bed and he told me *I am ready to adopt* – the tears flowed.

The tears flowed because the Lord had brought our hearts together and spoken the same miracle to ours hearts – adoption.

Adoption story and timeline coming soon…

So much love for each of you,

KB

infertility lead us to adoption :: part 1

It took me a longer than I want to admit to be okay with saying those words ::

*infertility lead us to adoption*

I didn’t want to be labeled one of the couples who-didn’t-get-pregnant-so-they-adopted. But for real though, that’s our story and I own it. Like hardcore own it. And there’s beauty and brokenness and redemption all over every bit of it.

I will talk about last year {2016} here and there… well, I take that back, probably every time I write. It was a year that it didn’t seem like a lot of was happening, but goodness the Lord did a lot of reworking in my heart. One of my friends wrote about what 2016 looked for her and she used the word *shifting* and I think it describes my year too.

About two weeks after Evie was born, I began to think about our future children and how they were going to get to us {give me all the babies} My heart was overwhelmed, but I quickly gave it over to Jesus. He settled my heart and gave me so much grace to just soak up my time with Evie girl. And that’s just what we did. 2015 and 2016 were years of change, moving, learning, growing, and looking back to look forward. And that’s what brings me here, right now.

I wanted to invite you lovely people {our people} back in time to how we were lead to adoption. One of the many ways the Lord showed me His goodness last year was by focusing my attention on the gift and miracle of Evie’s life. He showed me how He brought me, with so much grace, to a place of trust in the story He had written for us.

So that means we look back. I have tears in my eyes as I revisit all this emotion. These are not just words I am typing out. This timeline I am sharing, is a road we never dreamed we would walk, but we did. It didn’t look pretty or sweet or kind the majority of the time, but we made it through.

I am going to share the timeline of what our infertility journey looked like up until my surgery in 2012. Before you read the timeline, you need to know what a few abbreviations mean. In the TTC {trying to conceive} world, it’s easier to use abbreviations for all of this crap instead of writing it out.

BCP :: birth control pills

BFN :: Big fat negative (pregnancy test result)

HSG: hysterosalpingogram {this is a procedure that tests to make sure your fallopian tubes are not blocked}

OPK: Ovulation predictor kit

June 14, 2008 :: WEDDING DAY!

August 2008 :: stopped using BCP

August – April 2009 :: prevented pregnancy

April 2009 :: decided to just “see what happens”

April 2009 – Dec 2010 :: continue to “not prevent pregnancy”

Jan 2011 :: first fertility related appt with OB

November 2011 :: HSG test {everything came back normal; actually I was told I had a perfect looking uterus #goodtimes}

November 2011 – February 2012 :: continued using OPKs

June 2012 – exploratory laparoscopy surgery {mild case of endometriosis, scar tissue, 5 or 6 cysts}

That first four years was only the beginning of the Lord not giving me what I want when I wanted it, all for something better. I have the giggles through my tears as I type this out because we just think we know what we need and when we need it. {spoiler alert: WE DON’T HAVE A CLUE}

I will continue writing about our infertility journey before our adoption journey. I am just so thankful for those of you reading and joining in our story again. Thank you. I am giddy to be writing again.

Before I say goodnight, I have a favor to ask. I am planning to do either a Facebook LIVE or Instagram LIVE video discussing adoption language. Do you have a question about any adoption related language you have heard? Do you have something you want to say but you don’t know how to say it? PLEASE ask me! Comment here or shoot me an email {kaileyabirkeland@gmail.com} or private message me on Facebook.

So much love for you sweet people!

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