never been pregnant and I’m thankful.

Close your eyes and think of something you want so badly. Think about what you would do to make it happen. What would you endure to see it come to pass?

Pregnancy. That was what I wanted to badly. I was in a single-minded-pursuit of that one thing. I wanted to do whatever possible for ME to make that happen. But it never happened. And still hasn’t.

Because it hasn’t happened, I wanted to share a little bit of our backstory so you will know where we’ve been. I think people probably assume we have either experienced miscarriages or been told we will never conceive a biological baby. Neither is true.

I don’t think I have ever written those words on the world wide web which seems odd. Me not conceiving became the catalyst for growth in my faith like I’ve never experienced before.

I’ve never ever seen a positive pregnancy test. Like ever. I have no idea all the emotions that come with those two pink lines staring back at you. I do not know what it is like to sneak around for a few days to plan how to surprise Dru with the news. I do not know what’s it’s like to feel a baby kicking inside my belly. I do not know what it’s like to have to pee every five seconds because a baby is all up on my bladder.

And six years ago this was the only thing on my mind. The desire to have a baby in my belly consumed me. It trapped me every single day. Questions plagued my mind, heart, and body daily.

I am here to say today that our GOD IS BIGGER than the biggest desire of our hearts. He has an even greater plan than the one we’ve dreamed up in our heads. {#shockerIknow}

My Evie girl was the very reason why I had never conceived. What I thought was being withheld from me was actually allowing me to receive the best, most perfect blessing of my life.

These are the questions we continually lay down at Jesus’s feet and really never expect an answer this side of heaven. BUT God. He allowed me to hear words from my birthmother that forever shaped my faith in my God.

She told me in December of 2014, one of the reasons she chose us to be Evie’s parents is because we did not have any children. FRRRRRRIENDS!!!!! Go back and read those words again. No really. Do it.

Do you see that? Do you see that He was in it ALL??? He was there all along!! He was guiding us and NOT withholding. He was preparing. He was aligning our hearts with His most perfect and awesome plan.

Today, I am asking you to maybe not hold so tightly to your plans. Loosen that grip. You’ll never be the same. Promise.

As always, if you have comments or questions, I’m here. Reach out and ask.

So much love for each of you,






  1. Chrissy says:

    Love this so much!

  2. Deidre jones says:

    So true. Once I gave our desires to God to be fulfilled or NOT, we were chosen within 2 weeks by our birthmother to receive our daughter 19 years ago. HIS TIMING IS PERFECT. It usually doesn’t look like our timing.

  3. You are gifted with your words – I never wanted to be pregnant- When Tommy asked me to marry him I told him don’t ask if you can’t handle adoption because I want to adopt instead of having children – My reason was embedded in my heart when I was about 10 years old – I was in Korea with my dad and the Red Cross let the kids of military go to the orphanges and hospitals – it impacted my life to see all those babies just wanting someone to hold them – I fell in love and I am thankful to God that He gave me 2 children and thankful for their natural mothers giving them life!

  4. You know I love this friend! Still wrestling with the same things in my heart! Miss you!!!!!!!

    • Kailey Birkeland says:

      Wrestling it out, friend and don’t stop! Miss you too! So glad I got to hug your neck yesterday!

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