infertility lead us to adoption :: part 2

I’m just so undone by the love I’ve received since I decided to start sharing again. Thank you for the love and the responses from my last post. You guys are so good at rallying behind our family in the big stuff and in the small stuff. I am just so grateful for this community of friends and family.

If you are here for the first time and you are like I’m confused. I thought they adopted. Well we did, but last year I was reminded last year how important it is to share *where we have been* and WHAT the LORD HAS DONE.

Everywhere I turned today I heard and saw the word vulnerability. Such an important part of our lives is sharing what is troubling to us so we can say “hey me too” to those around us. You never know who around is struggling with the same thing and is longing for someone to just affirm their heartache. I’ve never regretted one thing I’ve shared about our journey because it has brought so many friendships into my life that would not exist without the struggle.

After my surgery in 2012, I still did not conceive a baby. It all just didn’t make sense. The surgery was supposed to fix me. I was supposed to have a baby in my belly. Didn’t the Lord want this for me? What had I done to deserve this? Would I not be a good mom? Why not now? Why do I have to wait even more? 

The questions piled up. They piled up and piled up until I decided I had had enough. Enough of this waiting. I wanted a baby and I needed to make it happen myself. I talked with my OB in January 2013 and asked him to refer me to a specialist. I knew what this meant. I knew that I was out of the will that God had for us, yet I still did it. I still took my plans and made them happen. So what seemed like the longest three months of this seven year battle; I was prescribed clomid {very very common in the world of infertility} and it rocked my life. We also did three IUI procedures. None worked. I still did not have a baby in my belly.

January 2013 – referred to RE {Reproductive Endocrinology}

January 2013 – first RE appt at Alabama Fertility Specialist in Birmingham, AL

February 8 2013 – IUI # 1 with clomid – not pregnant

March 9 2013 – IUI #2 with clomid – not pregnant

April 2013 – IUI #3 with clomid – not pregnant

After the third attempt to conceive with IUIs, we were over it ALL. I had sunk down into a deep depression. I was angry. I was sad. I was mad. I didn’t understand. I did not understand why God was withholding from us. And I think the weight of *taking my life into my own hands* had finally caught up to me. BUT God <— aren’t you so grateful for those two words?

He sent my mom to sit me down and bring some light into the very very dark place I had found myself. About a month later, Dru and I had our first conversation about adoption. He did not want to adopt before that unless we were told that we could not have biological children. I asked him if we were praying about adoption. He said yes.

For three months, we didn’t even discuss adoption. I prayed for his heart to be turned towards adoption because my heart was already there. August 4, 2013, we were laying in bed and he told me *I am ready to adopt* – the tears flowed.

The tears flowed because the Lord had brought our hearts together and spoken the same miracle to ours hearts – adoption.

Adoption story and timeline coming soon…

So much love for each of you,

KB

Comments

  1. Thank you for sharing! Reading this is bringing back memories and bringing tears to my eyes. We have very similar stories and I am sorry you had to go through all the heartache.

    • Kailey Birkeland says:

      thank you for reading! and thank you for sharing that your story is similar. I’m honestly not sad about the heartache. i’m thankful for it. i am the wife, mom and friend that i am today because of it 🙂 would love to connect with you further! shoot me an email or follow me on IG {@kbirkeland or kaileyabirkeland@gmail.com} 🙂

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