Be Brave Enough to be Vulnerable by Lauren

“There is no safe investment. To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken…” ― C.S. LewisThe Four Loves 183A7388

And so I ask, “What do you love? “ And how do you know for sure? I thought my love was in Christ alone! …but pieces of my heart have started breaking anyway. How do “important” things compare with the things that break your heart? I’m really asking myself here, but praying this may save you some future heartache.

I told a college graduate today, “It’s all down hill from here!” She gave me the funniest look – like she was trying to decide whether she was more appalled at the truth, or just surprised that I had said it. I just let her ponder it – I wonder how I would be dealing with disappointment and heartbreak now if I had not anticipated “more” in the first place? Life just gets more complicated with each passing year! Wounds and offenses compact and create new lives of their own.

Graduating more than a few years ago, I felt invigorated by all the room to grow and explore. I believed I was sailing on to grander adventures. But, then there were breakups, bad jobs, friends with cancer, hard moves, older adults I looked up to that disappointed me, infertility, and most recently a failed adoption.   My heart has broken and broken over again.

The strange part is, I can give you an even longer list of blessings and still feel the heartache: I have a beyond supportive family, a husband that fears the Lord and loves me well, a job that is above and beyond my expectations – oh – and a side job as a painter that has exceeded ALL expectations, good health, a great home that we got to renovate (we LOVE our new home!) and great friends around us, and I do not take any of this for granted. We are BLESSED.

But, I would give any of it up in a second to have a family of my own.

How can this one thing, this one loss, this “infertility” break my heart so? I didn’t even know having a family was this important to me! I feel like this shouldn’t break my heart – but it does anyway.   The wound it has given me is deep and fresh and only takes a misleading tone to break it again. At this point, everywhere I go my broken heart is exposed.

I cry often, often when I least expect it. Tears come out of nowhere.   And, for me, this is the worst. I can’t control it. I can’t say to my heart, “ STOP! Don’t hurt!” And I find myself embarrassed, ashamed, and feeling guilty that little things have hurt me.

So, I started to protect my heart. I built walls and stuffed bubble wrap around anything that could even possibly hurt it. I left baby showers and Mother’s Day Sunday school classes early when I felt these emotions rise up because I wanted to run to my safe place and cry alone.

But then, there is Jesus. He meets us in our heartbreak, in our pain, and He calls us to love each other. He calls us into community. He is showing me that He is right in the middle of “my” story. And shouldn’t He be?! He wrote it!   Right now, He is calling me to be BRAVE enough to be vulnerable. To KNOW that something may hurt, that my heart may break, that I may cry….in front of people, and that He ordained that. That me sharing my story may help someone find freedom from lies they are believing. That sharing my story may be so so so much bigger than me. That He has a purpose, even in this.

The rest of C.S.Lewis’s quote says:

“If you want to make sure of keeping (your heart) intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.”

The Lord continues to show me that there is power in sharing “my” story, even if I cry!  So I challenge you to be brave enough to share yours. And girl, I know it’s scary! But, God is there with you and your tears are not without purpose. “You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle.” Psalm 56:8

If you need more inspiration or want to hear more of the story Christ is writing for me, here is the link to me sharing my story as part of the Scarlet & Gold #GiveGrace Campaign to raise funds for their owner ‘s IVF cycle. I was so nervous to share with their tens of thousands of followers!!

http://www.scarletandgoldshop.com/blogs/news/44725059-every-story-matters-lauren-duncan

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You can follow along with Lauren on Instagram or on her website.

Comments

  1. Kimberly Hilyer says:

    Awesome step of Fairh, Lauren! Very proud of you! ???

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