Be Brave Series: Glory Days by Libby

Not Pregnant. 

The small words blared from the pregnancy test as if they were the latest headlines blasting through Times Square.

This was it. I was done. For more than two years of tediously checking to see if I was pregnant and yet again the news came as if to provoke me in my trying: not pregnant.

I decided then that I wanted to skip the “The Baby Making Years”.

You remember don’t you? The years when all your friends become pregnant and think of really darling ways to post their announcements of their upcoming blessing. The years when your social media is covered with sweet little chubby cheeks and monthly baby updates.

I was ready to click the skip button and move into my retirement years.

I believed those were my glory days.

Those were the days Rhianna would sing over me “Shine Bright Like a Diamond” and would I be ready to rock.

I speak so openly about my infertility diagnosis because at one time I couldn’t speak about it. The hurt was too deep. I was mortified to let anyone know of the deep shame I was carrying with infertility. Everyone around me kept talking about their blessings from God and I wondered, “Did I do something to miss the blessing?”

I used to believe that damaging mindset.

If I do ______________, God will do _____________.

I dominated that formula. I was “good” & God was good. We made this great team. But, when God didn’t give me what I wanted I didn’t know how to rub the genie bottle harder or pray louder, or live better. My formula crashed & I was left with just God.

And in my darkest moments, I had to ask myself, “Was He enough for me?”

Dear friend, can I tell you that when you come to your greatest disappointment in life that it could be the avenue to your divine appointment?

It was for me and I would relive every hellish day over again just to find Him.

No formulas, no religion, just Jesus.

One of the bravest thing we can ever do is trust Him with our greatest disappointments. It is brave to give Him your heart when all the pieces have been shattered, but I have learned you have to touch the broken pieces to be made whole again.

I have seen that if God would have met my every expectation, He could never surpass them.

I woke this morning – still in Baby Making Years – and you know what I know now?

I’m in my glory days.

I have seen that sometimes disappointment come to showcase the glory of our good Father.

He has been found through no formula or rubbing the genie bottle of religion, but through a broken heart & shattered dreams. His glory came with a crown of thorns.

I see a perfect picture hanging proudly of my daughter, Eden, on our living room wall. There in the dim light, you see her smile as she holds a picture of me and her daddy the first time she “met” us at four years old. That’s my Eden – my daughter who introduced me to Jesus during my years of waiting for her arrival.

He was planning something for me better than I could have ever imagined. Eden proves to me that no story ends in ashes with a good Father like mine.

Yet will we be brave enough to hand over the pen of our story and say,

“Okay, God, you can have this _________, now show your glory.

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Processed with VSCOcam with f2 presetLibby is a twenty-something Midwest raised, Southern living girl. She believes in the power of story and has a deep love for the open road & a good book. She can be found flirting with her ridiculously attractive runner\preacher man husband, Isaac, or in the classroom where she teaches high school students a thing or two about life. Libby blogs at Miles to Eden, where she documents her and her husband’s journey to parenthood through infertility and adoption. You can also find her on Instagram @liblo21.

 

Comments

  1. Thank you Jesus for FREEDOM! SO thankful there are no equations – just relationships!!! Such a good word!

  2. Chasity Engelhardt says:

    I’m so sorry Libby I went to your parents church for a little bit but anyhow I believe God is using you to help people deal with infertity God bless you!!!?❤️?

  3. Louise Jones says:

    Such a beautiful story. After giving my infertility over to God in the ’70’s, He Blessed me and my husband 20 years later through adoption. We never tried to adopt. We just gave it to God and prayed if it was His will then bless us when the time was right. In the month of our 22nd wedding anniversary I received a call and was asked “If you could get a newborn baby would you be inteterested?” To make a long story short, we were at the hospital the night our precious Angel was born. The young lady who found herself in an unplanned pregnancy at 14 asked us to be a part of the delivery. Not only were we at the hospital, we were able to watch our precious Angel come into this world!!! What an awesome God we serve!!! Love and cherish every moment with your little one. They grow up so very fast. Remember God’s timing is perfect!!!

    Louise Jones
    (Shawn Marie Horrell’s Aunt)

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