Be Brave in the WHY by Meredith

Hi there, friends! I’m Meredith, and I started the website, The Baby Wait. I live in Chicago with my Engagement Headshotsweet and loving husband. We both work quite a bit, but love to spend our free time traveling, working on house projects in our condo, getting in a good workout, and most of all; having friends around our table. Our church family is extremely important to us and we feel so blessed to have such great friends walking alongside us in life, especially in difficult seasons such as this. The Baby Wait was born out of our own infertility journey, and while I obviously wish that I had a baby in my arms, I am so thankful and honored that God put this ministry on my heart and trusted me to do this good work for Him. I wouldn’t trade this opportunity for the world, and wait in hopeful expectation for the day that our home is filled with children.

 

The Baby Wait

It was a cold snowy January morning. I clutched the cup of steaming hot coffee that my loving husband prepared for me, propped the pillow up behind me, and snuggled with the covers. I inhaled deeply and let out a big sigh before resting my thoughts and the quick pacing of my heart.

Lord, help me understand, I prayed.

You are always right and always good, even when I do not see and understand. In time, your reasons and your plans are always revealed and they never disappoint. Help me to see your ways, God.

WHY can I not get pregnant? What did I do? What is it that you want from me? I’ve been waiting for this moment my whole life – the chance to be a mother – and I do not understand why you keep saying no.

Why do I have to suffer through another time of waiting? I waited so long for my husband, and yes, it was worth it, but why does it have to be me again? Can’t you pick on someone else for a change??

If all of this is for your good, then help me understand. What is your purpose for my pain? Show me how to serve you through this trial, God. If it means I don’t get pregnant for a while, FINE. I will make that sacrifice. I just want to understand WHY, to know that you never intended for this difficult season to be wasted. Tune my ears to your whisper so that I might hear what it is you are calling me to.

About a week later, I opened up to a few close friends about our infertility struggles. One of them shared that they were going through the same thing and I had no idea. How could that be? How did I not know? Another shared the incredible story of a woman from our church that they knew that had tried to get pregnant for a decade (a DECADE!), then decided to adopt, then realized that the siblings they were planning to adopt were not actual orphans (say what?!), then unexpectedly got pregnant, decided to move to Rwanda after feeling called by the Lord, helped write an amazing book called, “In Defense of the Fatherless: Redeeming International Adoption and Orphan Care”, then got pregnant again, and is still living in Africa, now as a family of 4. I mean, WHOA! I couldn’t believe it. What a story! Easy for me to say from the outside looking in, but, “Only God!”

A few days later I sat on my computer after work, browsing through a TTC message board. I was in the two-week-wait after our first IUI and I was desperate to figure out whether I was pregnant. I hated looking at the message boards. They never helped – only made me more ‘crazy’ – and I couldn’t relate to a single person. Baby dust? Really? Oh, how my heart breaks that you are clinging to ‘baby dust’ during this trying time in your life because you don’t know about my Savior?!

That night I thought more about my prayer from the week before and the wheels in my head started spinning. I started to feel a nudge from the Lord and I shared with my husband what I was thinking. What if I started a website for women struggling with infertility, miscarriage, and adoption that shared stories of God’s faithfulness? I would much rather browse through story after story of God’s perfect timing and provision than a message board!

So, cue excitement and relief – God DID have a plan and I was going to bring people to Jesus through this mess! I needed a name for the site, and I wanted to get a shell of a website up so that people knew I was for real. So I am a) not creative. At all (I’m an accountant), and b) I know nothing about web design or blogs or websites other than I read some. But I started asking for stories, asking friends to ask for stories, and I waited. And waited. Doubt started to creep in, work started to get busier, and the winter dragged on.

Then one day in March I got my first story! {Happy dance!} And I was re-inspired. I started following up with people that I had asked (which was SO difficult for me). I hate being pushy and I felt pushy. Who was I to expect everyone else to be willing to share such a personal part of their lives? I decided that I needed a decent story base to get things started. I had dreams of posting a story every day, devotions too, but knew that had to be down the road. For now, I just needed more than ONE story (because let’s not be silly here!).

March turned to April and I knew God still wanted me to do something with this idea, but I didn’t know how. One night my husband prompted me to share the idea with my cousin and his fiancé. Their excitement about the site resulted in me knee deep in prayer again as I pleaded with the Lord to help me make this happen if this was what he wanted from me.

“Just do it!” he said.

“But I only have one story!” I said.

“Don’t you trust me?” he said. “I will provide.”

“But if I’m really going to do this, then everybody will know,” I said. “Everybody will know that I’m trying to have a baby. And that I can’t. And that’s embarrassing. And awkward.”

“Yup,” he said. “But it will be okay. Just trust me. I’ve got this under control. This is WHY, my dear child. Go tell people about me. Do not be afraid. BE BRAVE.”

On Friday, May 8th, 2015, the Friday before Mother’s Day weekend, I posted my first story on The Baby Wait. I shared the site on Facebook and Instagram, revealing this scary secret I had been carrying to my extended family, friends, acquaintances and former co-workers. I shared with them how common the infertility struggle really is, and how often times the person fighting this same battle is right in front of you. I asked them to share the site with their friends knowing that the upcoming weekend would be far from ‘a walk in the park’ for any woman trying to conceive, mourning the loss of a child, or yearning to be united with their adopted son or daughter. People liked, people shared, people encouraged. I received SO MANY messages that day – notes from people that had gone through the same thing and I had no idea. Isn’t that crazy?! That something so painful is often a burden we try to bear on our own?

So I posted my first story without a plan. I wasn’t sure if there would ever be a second story, but I made myself vulnerable and trusted that the Lord would provide, and let me tell you, HE HAS! This past Friday I posted the 12th story. Yep, that’s right – twelve. Praise God!

I still have moments where I freak out because everybody knows – EVERYBODY KNOWS!!! But it is good, and it is right. And I know it’s for Him, which makes it all worth it.

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The Baby Wait is always in need of more stories! You can share your story by emailing: shareyourstory@the-baby-wait.com

Website: www.the-baby-wait.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/storiesofthebabywait

Instagram: @thebabywait

Twitter: @the_baby_wait

Comments

  1. 12 stories? How awesome is that! I love how you are allowing the Lord to use you to further His kingdom! Thanks for sharing your story!

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