the firsts of infertility

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friends!! I love to share this post ever year around this time in honor of NATIONAL INFERTILITY AWARENESS WEEK as a sweet reminder that God never left us. He was in every single detail. 

This journey, man.

INFERTILITY + ADOPTION + WAITING

Those three words are much more than words to me. They represent so much of our story and journey over the past almost 11 years of marriage.

Where infertility and adoption intersect super duper wrecks me because it changed the game. In all those years waiting and wanting things to happen my way, I never would have thought I would be thankful for all those times I was told no. Every single no was a step towards our Evie girl. She is the gift. She is why we “didn’t get what we wanted”. But actually we did. We got exactly what we wanted. Her. 

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 I want to share my very first post sharing our struggle to grow our family. It totally brings me to my knees. And YES, I haven’t stopped needing Him and I have most definitely needed Him more and more as the years have passed.

God was in it. He knew I would share and love and lock arms with others longing to grow their families. This is my heart’s cry… YOU ARE NOT ALONE and God has a plan. THE BEST PLAN!

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Yes. Dru and I have officially been labeled an “infertile” couple. To be honest, I regret so much not posting or journaling about this whole journey. I know that I have found such comfort in other stories of couples struggling with infertility. I dream one day of being able to share this very long and difficult journey with someone who needs to hear it to get them through. 

I will write a post later on about all of the blood work, procedures, and surgeries I have done thus far, but tonight I just wanted to put this information out here in cyber world and just vent. 
I am so very humbled at how many friends at work and at church that tell me that they are thinking of me or just send me random text messages that they are praying for us. I can not even explain what this means. Prayer is so powerful. I literally feel the presence of God surrounding me and helping me get through each day. His presence has never been needed more and more available to me in all my life. 
This is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, and I know that there is a reason and I do have hope. But, sometimes that hope gets lost for a little while. It might take me a few days to get myself out of the pit of depression, but with prayer and Dru… I seem to get through it. 
I do update a lot of my very close friends or people that ask me just in conversation, but I do feel like this blog will help me release all my thoughts and feelings…. when I want to and how I want to. I know that sounds a little crazy, but I’ve got a lot, I mean a lot, of c-r-a-z-y stuff going on in my head! 
Now to update on where we are as of yesterday… Dru and I went to see my fabulous doc! He is the absolute best ever! He explained to us that after one year of TTC and then coming to see him and TTC another year that it was time for us to see a specialist. Can I just say first of all, that I was aware this was coming, but it hit me like a ton of bricks when I actually heard the word, infertility, come out of his mouth. I think it just became like a real diagnosis at that point. He told us that our records and information will be sent over and the office will be contacting us, so until then.. We wait. What do ya know? That’s what I’ve been doing for 2+ years. What’s another 2 or 4 weeks? 
 
Whoa. I feel such a sense of relief. Believe it or not, the Lord has been tugging at my heart to do this for WEEKS! Glad it’s done. 
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Lots of love,
KB

Comments

  1. You are one of the strongest faithful person I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. God bless you KB

  2. Thanks for sharing this friend!

  3. I was diagnosed with PCOS a few years ago. And now that I’m married the fear of not being able to get pregnant terrifies me. Have been married for 1 1/2 yrs, and even when we are not *trying* (right now doesn’t seem like the best time due to finances) the not knowing kills me.

    • Kailey Birkeland says:

      Don’t live in fear, friend. Lean in to His promises and the truth of God’s word. Even when our hope is shaken, He is our rock! Have a blessed day 🙂

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